Friday, February 13

Explaining the hand of God

Heather Mac Donald wants answers:

Will Bill O’Reilly or anyone else who saw the hand of God in the safe landing of US Airways Flight 1549 this January please explain why God chose not to save Continental Connection Flight 3407, which plunged into a house outside of Buffalo last night, killing all 49 people on board and a resident on the ground?

Among the explanations which will not be accepted: “humans cannot possibly fathom God’s mysterious ways.” Oh yes they can, apparently—when something good happens. Having found proof of God’s love in the safe conclusion of US Airways Flight 1549, believers cannot now turn around and claim that God’s ways are veiled just because something disastrous happens. If it’s legitimate to infer beneficence from a happy outcome, it is equally plausible to infer malice or at least indifference from a negative outcome. You can’t pick and choose the actions in which you find God’s will transparent.

Oh yes you can! Here's how it works: Whenever something really good happens, it's because God loves us. And whenever something bad happens it's not because God willed it to happen -- he didn't! -- rather, it's because of sin. It's really that simple.

You may not have heard, but original sin -- both human and angelic kinds (see: the fall of Lucifer, and tree of knowledge in Eden) -- are to blame for all the evil in this world. God is not responsible, he just "allows it". Nevermind that because all have sinned (as well as -- gasp! -- fallen short of the glory of their Creator) that this means we're incapable of not sinning. That's what saviors are for! Jesus will save you, Heather. You just have to believe!. Tithing is optional but highly encouraged, and his priests have been hard at work bringing back indulgences for even more convenience!

So regarding the bad things, Heather, the correct inference is your need to be saved. You need someone to protect you from bad things, and only Jesus is in a vague enough position to do so while not actually taking responsibility for any bad things that happen to people who trust in him. Sometimes his mother Mary will help pick up some slack, but she's usually too busy listening to prayers. Yet since Jesus is definitionally perfect, he's still quite literally the best imaginary friend you'll ever have.

Now about Bill O'Reilly: it's really hard work finding good things to give God credit for in these tough times. So stop hassling the man! Just look at all the cognitive dissonance he already has to deal with:

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