Fisking the Republicanist id

2004 Map of Jesusland, featuring Alberta.

Leigh Patrick Sullivan lives in Alberta, but that doesn't stop him from having a conversation with the Gipper:

Ronald Reagan: Hello my friend. I’m glad you could join me today.
Moderate Seperatist: Mr. President! It is an honor, sir!
RR: Please, call me Ron. Care for something?
MS: No sir, I’m fine. What brings you here?
RR: Actually, you came to me. I’m glad, since I’d like to find out how things are back home.
MS: Sure. First, the wars.
RR: The Soviets are back?
MS: No, sir…well, kind of, but…
RR: Then who?
MS: You know of the 9/11 attacks…

[First things first, have to make sure we're on the same page]

RR: Of course.
MS: …and that America sent troops into Afghanistan and Iraq…
RR: Yes. How is that going? Have we won yet?

At least he didn't ask if we were "winning", with no particular end in sight...

MS: Well, sir, we are winning in Iraq. Not that the American people would know that, given the lack of media coverage.

Had to answer with the "winning", though. The "winning" will continue!

RR: Same old media, I see. America starts winning and they clam up.
MS: Yes sir.

Republicanism 101: always blame the free press

...As far as Afghanistan, the American and Allied forces have been engaged in some tough slugging, but we are hopeful.
RR: Excellent news! The president is putting that effort at the forefront, I assume.
MS: Well, President Obama – the first Black president, by the way - has announced an increase in forces, but it’s less than what military experts say is needed.
RR: I know Afghanistan well. The Soviets were in tough back in the day.
MS: Yes, and with the enemy being religious zealots, it isn’t any easier for us now.
RR: As I said to The Duke the other day, Americans always rise up to a challenge, but it will ultimately be up to the Afghani people to determine their own destiny, just like the Eastern Europeans trapped behind the Iron Curtain did.
MS: That’s my thinking. Switching to the economy…
RR: I assume that after I left things continued to be stable for America.
MS: Actually, Mr. Pres..um, Ron, we are in the middle of some real trouble right now.
RR: Really? What’s going on?
MS: There is a global recession going on. Unemployment is skyrocketing, businesses are suffering, the dollar is treading water, there’s talk of a global currency….

We surely can't let an opportunity to spread discredited conspiracy theories to a dead president go to waste!

RR: Good Lord! Tell me Obama is a Republican.
MS: No, sir. A Democrat. A leftwing Democrat, actually.
RR: (sighs) I warned them. Go on.
MS: President Obama came into office on the promise to fix the situation and save not only jobs, but the American way of life.
RR: Well, that’s good! Tell me, what steps has he taken? Cutting taxes, increasing trade, and cutting the fat, I assume.

Had to figure the Gipper himself would be stuck in the eighties

MS: …um, not really. First, he pushed through a $700+ billion bailout package…
RR: That’s a good one. Very funny!
MS: It’s not a joke, Ron.
RR: What a horrible move. Tell me that there were checks and balances in place to make sure the money was used properly.
MS: Actually, the public went ballistic when it was revealed that one of the recipients, AIG, used the money for executive bonuses.

Three cheers for irrational populist prejudice

RR: Unbelievable. What did they think was going to happen?
MS: Then there’s the little matter of the automakers.
RR: I assume they are feeling the heat from the downturn.
MS: Yes, sir. GM and Chrysler had restructuring plans, and both were rejected by the President.
RR: …and so he instructed the CEO’s to come back with a better plan, yes?
MS: Sort of. He demanded that GM’s CEO be fired.
RR: So who’s running General Motors?
MS: The President.
RR: You have a horrible sense of humor.
MS: I wish it was a joke, sir.
RR: Are you telling me that the American government is now in the business of being in business?
MS: It looks that way.

Here we agree, but the restructuring will continue!

RR: I don’t believe it. America is transforming into a socialist state.
MS: That’s the fear, Ron.

Yes, that's the fear.  Now how about the reality?

RR: I’m glad I didn’t live to see that.
MS: There is hope, however.
RR: The American people!
MS: Yes sir. A phenomenon is occurring. The economic situation and the subsequent bailouts, along with a wave of mistrust in the government, has spawned groups of Americans to hold Tea Parties across the land.

Too bad nobody cares

RR: I’m not surprised. If there is one lasting, unbreakable strength, it is the spirit of the American people. You must be proud!
MS: Absolutely! Of course, I’m a Canadian….
RR: So you know all about the dangers of socialism, then.
MS: All too well, Ron.
RR: Have you attempted to warn your American friends?
MS: I try, Ron. I try. But, as you often said, sometimes I feel that I am speaking to ears that won’t listen.

Gee, I wonder why?