Jokes at the Al Smith dinner

McCain is pretty gracious from 4:50 to 6:10 -- gives me a little hope for the old man.



Via Ambers, McCain:

McCain says he fired all of his campaign staff; "All of their positions will now be held by a man named Joe The Plumber."

Says that Joe Biden falsely claims that Joe The Plumber isn't rich enough trigger the Obama tax hike; "What they don't know is that Joe The Plumber recently signed a lucrative contract to handle all the work on all seven of their houses."

Says his pet name for Obama is "The One"; Obama's for McCain is "George Bush."

"I can't shake the feeling that some people here are voting for me. Nice to see you, Hillary."

Bill Clinton "has been hammering away with me with epithets like, "hero."

"It's going to be a long, long night at MSNBC if I manage to pull this thing off. I understand that Keith Olbermann has ordered up his very own Mission Accomplished banner. They can hang it up in his padded room"

"We know the press is really an independent-minded, civic-minded, non-partisan group, like ACORN."

A nice tribute to Obama at the end, saying that he can't "wish him luck," but he does "wish him well."

Obama:

"People tell me I share the politics of Alfred E. Smith and the earns of Alfred E. Neumann"

"I was originally told that we would able to move this outdoors to Yankee Stadium. Can someone tell me what happened to the Greek columns I requested."

"On the Waldorf Astoria: They tell me, from the doorstep, you can see all the way to the Russian Tea Room."

To Al Smith IV: "I obviously never knew your grandfather, but from everything Sen. McCain has told me..."

Mayor Michael Bloomberg's term limits maneuverings caused Bill Clinton to say: "You can do that?"

The housing crisis "has been eight times harder on John McCain."

"The last few weeks, John's been out on the campaign trail asking the question Who Is Barack Obama. I've got to admit, I was surprised by the question: the answer is right there on my Facebook page."

"I was not born in a manger. I was actually born on krypton...."

"I got my name Barack from my father.... it's actually Swahali for "That one."

My middle name, it's not what you think. It's actually "Steve."

"There was a point in my life when I started palling around with a pretty ugly crowd.... that's right... I've been a member of the United States Senate."

"Fox News accused me of fathering two African-American children in wedlock.