A libertarian children's story

Original:

Republican Guy recently asked his friends' little girl what she wanted to be when she grew up. She said she wanted to be President of the United States (POTUS) some day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so he asked her, "If you were POTUS what would be the first thing you would do?"

She replied, "I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people."

Her parents beamed with pride.

"Wow...what a worthy goal," Republican Guy told her. "But you don't have to wait until you're POTUS to start. You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where this homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house."

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked him straight in the eye and said, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?"

Republican Guy said, "Welcome to the Republican Party."

Democratic counterpoint:

Democratic Gal recently asked her friends' little boy what he wanted to be when he grew up. He said he wanted to be President of the United States (POTUS) some day. Both of his parents, conservative Republicans, were standing there, so she asked him, "If you were POTUS what would be the first thing you would do?"

He replied, "I'd give cars and boats to all my parents’ friends."

His parents beamed with pride.

"Wow...what a fabulously generous goal," Democratic Gal told him. “But you don't have to wait until you're POTUS to start. You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the country club where your parents friends hang out, and you can give them the $50 to use toward new cars and boats.”

He thought that over for a few seconds, then he looked her straight in the eye and said, "Why don’t my parents’ friends come over and do the work, and you can just pay them the $50?"

Democratic Gal said, "Welcome to the Democratic Party."

(Underneath her breath, muttering: "Your parents’ friends wouldn’t be caught dead in my neighborhood, guy, much less doing any manual labor.")

Libertarian response:

Libertarian Person (Elpie) recently asked his friends' little child what it wanted to be when it grew up. The child said he/she wanted to be President of the United States (POTUS) some day. Both of the child’s parents, one a liberal Democrat and one a conservative Republican, were standing there, so LP asked the child (Kid), "If you were POTUS what would be the first thing you would do?"

Kid replied, "I'd like to see everyone have stuff."

Kid’s parents beamed with pride.

"That’s great," Elpie told Kid. "But you don't have to wait until you're POTUS to start. You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll give you the address of the US Treasury, and you can send the government the $50 to spread among all the fine people in the country."

Kid thought that over for a few seconds, then he looked Elpie straight in the eye and said, “The government can go fly a kite, I’m keeping the $50 and deciding for myself who or what to spend it on."

Elpie said, "Welcome to the Libertarian Party."

(ht Brian Wright)